A year ago today.
A year today I arrived in Almaty to meet my Jiana, who was just 8 months old at the time. I've been reflecting back on that time and all the feelings I didn't express in my public blog. I thought that sharing my real experience now might offer some comfort for those of you who are still waiting to meeting their children or those who are still processing your own experiences.

When I finally arrived in Almaty, I was emotionally and physically spent from the prior weeks of packing, shopping, worrying and prepping for baby. I felt ready for the concept of having a baby. I had it all worked out in my head. Unfortunately, I had no real hands-on experience so I was really scaired to death. The whole idea of taking on a new person that you hadn't met before was really unsettling and I didn't feel at all connected to the baby in my picture. I was really focused on getting ready for baby and didn't spend a whole lot of time even looking at her photo. She wasn't how I pictured her and that was unsettling. I prayed a lot. In my gut and thanks to the encouraging comments of the psychic I commissioned, I felt very confident that my picture baby did not have FAS. But, she didn't smile in any of the 7 photos I had of her and I was a little worried that she wasn't all that sharp.

I went to the orphanage a few hours after arriving. I was spaced out from the lack of sleep on the plane. I was excited to be living this lifelong dream I had of "rescuing a child from and orphanage", but I wished that I wasn't so groggy. My stomach felt sort of quesy as I had a hard time getting my head around the fact that I was sacrificing my perfectly good life to an unknown person. I felt like a mail order bride meeting my husband for the first time. I remember sitting in the parents' waiting room and being asked my age and why I wasn't married yet by a women from the department of health. I told her I hadn't given up hope. They brought the baby in and handed her to me. I was checking her out and remember thinking... she smaller than I imagined her, cute and vulnerable.... I felt very relieved that she didn't look like she had any mental difficencies, even though she still wasn't smiling. A few minutes later, my interpreter asked me if I wanted her. There was no reason for me not to want her, so I said yes. I felt relieved, happy, but not especially attached.

We returned to the baby house three more times and then I brought her back the apartment. I stumbled through those first few days. I didn't really know how to comfort this baby who seemed to be more easily soothed by my travel partners, interpreter and friend Delilah. I was annoyed that my adoption coordinator pushed for early custody and then insisted that I stay confined with the baby in the apartment. I had no intention of spending the bulk of my time in Kazakhstan in the apartment and soon figured out a plan to sneak out with baby.

Day by day, we got to know each other and in about a week her personality started emerge. She started to smile more and more and once she did I started to fall in love with her little by little. My arms were aching as I was gradually building up my mommy muscles. We slept together and she would wake up at all hours of the night and cry for no particular reason. She would calm down if I walked around with her, but started to cry again if I sat down and held her. I was tired, but I remember thinking that I had never been happier. It was weird.

I remember waiting to go in for my court appointment to adopt her and seeing all these exotic Kazakh faces. In my head, I was rehearsing my responses to anticipated questions.... So what bought you to Kazakhstan to adopt a baby? The court room was freezing even with a wool coat and I was thinking.... what the h--l as I am doing here? It felt very surreal.

I had a great time in Kazakhstan. But, it was a constant juggling act to balance my desires to sightsee and shop with baby's needs. I still had a way to go to settle into mothering. Thank goodness I had the forethought to encourage my ski buddy and pediatrician friend, Nanci to join me in Kazakhstan for morale support.

So now, flash forward a year. I am madly in love with my daughter, Jiana. I think she is the cutest, sweetest, smartest person ever. She is hysterical and keeps me in stiches all the time. Our house is like a Broadway musical as we dance around the house singing. Having just returned from a week visiting family, I've been repeatedly told that she is an exceptionally easy baby. My best friend from HS, even went as far as saying she is so well adjusted that she is not normal. I go to bed and get up at the exact same time I did before I had a baby. Thank G-D, she is a easy traveler. From those first few weeks, I would have never predicted this little person could be so perfect for me. She even has naturally curly hair like mine (it must be in the water at our house). So much for my late night sentimental ramblings. For anyone who is interested, I posted a long and hopefully entertaining holiday letter to our travel/post travel blog at genicejacobs.tripod.com/baby/.

I wish you all a wonderful new year, and thank you so very much for all the morale support these past two years. I wouldn't have made it though sane without you.

Love Genice
Jiana's proud mama

Oh, yeah... one last thing. She did the cutest thing this week. She put her teddy bear down, covered it up with her "blankie" and then motioned to me and my mother that we should whisper. I wonder if she really did want to put Teddy to sleep or if this was just a polite attempt to keep us from talking so loud.

Happy New Year to you and Happy Anniversary for us
Mood:  happy
DECEMBER 29, 2005

Greetings from Genice

My dear family and friends,

I really didn't know what I was getting myself into when I arrived in Kazakhstan a year ago (December 30, 2004) to adopt Jiana. Truth be told, I was scared to death. It was hard to let go of my independence and all the possibility that goes with leaving your options open. But I took a leap of faith, and G_D granted me an outcome that was oh so better than I ever imagined. Jiana is the most adorable child ever.... For those of you that don't want to hear me brag shamelessly, you should now skip down a paragraph... She is so very bright, clever and curious (read: she is into absolutely everything). She is incredibly cute and charming (read: she has me wrapped). She has a sunny personality and is a very happy child (except when she doesn't get her way), and generally goes with the flow (except when she has another agenda). She is an easy traveler and chip off the old block.... she is an absolute goof ball! We constantly crack each other up. And as fate would have it, she has naturally curly hair just like mine. There must be something in the water at our house!

Jiana has developed a love-hate relationship with her cat brothers (she loves them and they hate her). All kidding aside, they are pretty tolerant, even though she holds on to their tails for dear life whenever she catches up with them. They have yet to lash out at her.

As the year comes to a close, I reflect back on the most pivotal 12 months of my life.

On November 8, 2004, I first set my eyes on a photo of a baby girl named Moldyr Ospanova. I couldn't tell at first if she was meant to be my daughter. So I commissioned a psychic from the renowned Berkeley Psychic Institute to evaluate our respective energies. Being a natural skeptic, I tested the psychic’s skills with questions about my life. Once convinced of her abilities, I was relieved to find out that the baby and I did not have any negative past life karma to work out with each other. The psychic’s insights gave me the courage to travel to Kazakhstan and meet my daughter.

I had a fabulous time touring Almaty, Kazakhstan with my friends Delilah, Nanci, travel partners Rahilla and Abdul (who were adopting an infant boy and girl), and my new little travel buddy, Jiana. My first taste of travel with a baby in toe was capped off with running into Dustin Hoffman and his wife in London on the way home. If you haven’t already plodded your way through my long-winded travel blog, an abbreviated version and an assortment of family photos are posted on the women’s adventure travel website, www.tangodiva.com (under inspiration).

Since I only had book knowledge about babies to start (because none of my friend ever took up my offers to baby-sit), I had a steep learning curve those first few months. I was challenged getting into a groove and I suffered body aches as I gradually build up my upper body mommy muscles. But, overall I've found parenthood to be so much easier than everyone made it out to be. I had been led to believe that motherhood would be an incredibly fulfilling living hell, and that single motherhood would be a daunting challenge. Being a mom is even more satisfying than I expected and not nearly the struggle. Jiana, I am told, is a relatively low-maintenance baby... she's pretty easy going and her fits of fussiness tend to be short-lived. And by surprised, I've found that my nature is quite suited for motherhood. I’ve mastered the art of straddling and diapering a standing, moving toddler; navigating co-feeding (although sometimes baby goop gets all over the place; and juggling getting out the door with baby, cats, bottle, diaper bag and blankie. I am fortunate to have great energy level and so Jiana really doesn't wear me out.... Unfortunately, I can't seem to wear her out either.

Perhaps the biggest life change for me so far is in the realm of food. Before Jiana, I used to go grocery shopping a few times a month. Now I make 3-4 trips a week. I’ve also gone from rarely ever cooking to cooking all the time. Jiana is generally a good eater. I don't even get too upset when she throws the expensive organic vegetables (that I shopped so long and hard for) all over the floor. I also clean constantly and do a lot more laundry than ever before. Surprisingly my house is actually cleaner than it was pre-baby.

I finally resigned myself to the fact that you really can’t take a toddler to any civilized restaurant. Beer and pizza places maybe, but you better be prepared to choke down your food and spend half of the time running after the little diner. Fortunately, Jiana is so cute, that she seems to entertain rather than annoy the other patrons… but it’s not exactly relaxing. On the rare occasion that I am dining without baby, I realize how accustom I’ve gotten to inhaling my food. New Years resolution #1 is to slow down and chew.

Jiana’s great passions in life are dancing, kitty cats, dogs (go go go!!!) and balls. She is very observant and is constantly bringing the presence of balls to my attention. I never realized how pervasive balls are in our society. We have a great time out about in stores, parks, zoo and play yards.

In the early days, I used to take Jiana to the gym with me and she would just hang out in her stroller. Now that she is more mobile (read: she sprints), it’s impossible to work out so I regretfully had to resign my membership. My exercise plan now consists primarily of pushing the stroller up and down the steep hills in my neighborhood, and hiking down the hill to the village on Sundays to go to the farmers market. Several friends have been great about babysitting every so often so I can have some adult time.

Jiana has proven to be rather robust (absolutely no sick child visits to the doctor). Last winter, we both fought off a couple of colds, but we’ve had a clean bill of health ever since. I attribute this to the Bifida complex supplements and ample amounts of kefir I feed her to promote proper flora in the large intestine. And my latest proud invention for health promotion is the cod liver oil strawberry yogurt, zucchini and tofu shake. (I forgot to knock on wood since I first drafted this…. we have since both caught colds again. Or I should say, Jiana caught a cold and then coughed repeatedly in my face.

On the making a living front, I’ve been back on an indefinite recruiting contract for Sunflower Systems, a client I started working with back in Feb 04. Sunflower Systems develops and sells software to track and management business and institutional assets. The company’s clients include the Department of Homeland Security, Social Security Administration, Department of Justice, Stanford University, and Bechtel just to name a few. Intermittently, I’ve also engaged in some executive and contingency search projects through my corporation. I’m currently working about 3 days a week (one day at home and two days at my client. I share a nanny with a family in the neighborhood on the two days I go into the office. In my spare time (yes, I actually have some), I am volunteering to assist local Hurricane Katrina survivors to find employment and reestablish themselves, I am also doing some freelance writing for Tangodiva.com, and am exploring business opportunities in the Green (environmentally conscious) economy.

As you can see, we are having great fun at our house. We love visitors and hope you will come to see us.

From our family to yours, wishing you a peaceful, joyful, crumb-free new year.

Love Genice


Greetings from Jiana

Hiiiiii,

Happy New Year! I’ve been having a great time with mama and my pussycat brothers, Sunkissed and Jupiter, who I fondly refer to as “Gatos”. It’s incredibly exciting to pet and poke them and try to yank on their whiskers. I can't help but shriek at the top of my lungs whenever I see them. I have no clue why, but they run away in terror whenever they see me.

I’ve learned from mama that shopping can be great fun! I really get a kick out of going to he supermarket… I say "hi" and "bye" to everyone we pass in the aisles. Mama sits me in the shopping cart (this is better than the stroller as I get a birds-eye view of what’s going on). I can handle that for about 15 minutes and then I just start incessant wining and commanding “up”. I can count on her relenting after about 5 minutes… I run around the store with abandon and unload products all over the floor until she catches me…. Going clothing shopping with mama is a bit less exciting. You can only imagine what she’s like. But, I’ve figured out that if I run around the store and start pulling on things, she'll run after me and it tends to expedite departure.

Dinnertime is especially entertaining. I sit in the high chair and mama gives me assorted food to nibble on. She tries to spoon-feed me the soft food, but I always wrestle the spoon from her. It is really fun when there is something sloppy on the spoon, because she gets really nervous. When I am done eatting,… I throw the remainder of her expensive organic food on the floor. You should see my mother’s face when I do this. It is totally hysterical. And then, in my most innocent voice, I say "uh oh." I should win an Oscar! Sometimes when she is leaning over to pick up the food shrappenel, I can tell that she is smiling… but I never let on.

My top 10 favorite ways to entertain myself

1. Splashing mama in the bath when she clearly doesn't want to get her hair wet.
2. Pounding on the keys of mama’s laptop computer, which clearly makes her nervous.
3. Playing with the lid to mama’s expensive lipsticks.
4. Putting handfuls of cat food in their water bowl.
5. Grabbing mama’s toothbrush and throwing it on the floor.
6. Turning the TV on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off.
7. Opening mama’s purse and scattering all the contents everywhere.
8. Sticking my hands in and out of whatever mama is drinking.
9. Tearing off the covers of mama’s paperback books.
10. Opening the bathroom cabinets and emptying the contents all over the house.

That about sums-up our daily life. We hope you’ll come by soon to hang out and baby-sit me so mama can have a night out on the town. (I didn’t write that…. She snuck it in!)

Happy New Year.

Love and slobbery kisses.

Jiana

Now Playing: Reluctant napper
We nap challenged. Jiana basically doesn't want to nap at any consistent time so it's really hard to plan getting any work done. I think she is better with the nanny, but she's off on days I'm in charge. I've given up and now what I do is just plan to run out for any old errant around nap time and then she'll crash in the car. But, I have to leave for something real. If I just get in the car and drive around with the objective of getting her to nap... she knows the difference and refuses to sleep... just to spite me, I think.

On Sundays, we typically walk down to the farmer's market in Montclair village (where we live). Since, we are up in the hills, this trip tends to get somewhat aerobic for me. Since I can rarely make it to the gym anymore, this hour round trip hike actually qualifies as exercise. So we wind our way down to the farmer's market, stopping many times along the way for Jiana to greet many doggy friends. When in doubt, I always ask the breed and yang her from any pup with even a drop of pit bull in the mix. I've noticed that people are a lot more friendly when you are totting a tot. So we down to the village to collect our organic veggies for the week and feast on free samples. Jiana usually crashes on the way back up the hill and I push it to the limit trying to get her home in enough time to actually get some housework, phone calls or newspaper reading in.

Getting her to bed at night is getting a little easier. Our routine is that I lay down with her, wrap her in a pink crocheted blanket and then when the timing is just right, I lift her into her crib.... and then I pray... I pray she will go to sleep right away. I pray that neither Jupiter or Sunkissed will start loudly "meowing" for me and wake her up. So usually within 45 minutes, she falls asleep and I get my time off. She sometimes wakes up mid-night or early morning with nightmares, and I just bring her into bed with me. She usually crashes back out pretty easily and is only woken by a parade a loudly purring and meowing cats demanding immediate attention.

With that I'm signing off for my one hour of solitude.

Another milestone
We crossed another milestone last week. Jiana has now been home with me and team orange for more than half her life. We been family now for 8 months. She is growing and changing way too fast. It seems like every day she is coming up with something new.

So what is she like? Jiana has a very sweet nature. She is a happy, friendly, curious child, and as much of a goofball as I am. She is into everything, including scattering wax paper bags and emptying spices all over the kitchen floor, helping herself to my toiletries, and pummeling her cat brothers with stuffed animals. I try not to stunt her curiousity and just try to let her play with whatever she get's hands on. But, it drives me a nuts when she starts poking at the keys on the laptop and I have to put a stop to that.

Jiana is very determined and in touch with her emotions... and can be quite a drama queen at times when she doesn't get her way. G-D help me when I take something away that I don't want her playing with. And when I she is done eatting and try for that extra bite.... She has a fit-- angrily throwing dinner scrapnel on the floor. She laughs hysterically when I appear the slightest bit frustrated. And then in the most innocent voice, she says "uh oh".

My darling daughter is certain not to need my coaching in assertiveness. She is teaching me a few things.

Lost toothbrush
Nothing is sacred anymore. My toothbrush is no longer MY toothbrush, but rather it's the family toothbrush. I have to admit that I felt a little violated when she attempted to dip it in the toilet. I luckily caught it in time.

As for the cute things Jiana is doing.... she likes it when I stick my finger in her mouth and then she says, "yummy..yum". She likes to pay with musical toys and then starts dancing to the songs. I can also attest to the fact that she understands and is starting to speak Spanish. While in the bath last night, she put her hand under the faucet and said "agua". Pretty clever for a little deuchkarooni.

6 months together
Someone famous once said that your children do not belong to you; but rather they are on loan to you from G-D. I always keep that in mind and treasure each moment I get to spend with her. Well most every moment. I look at Jiana and am in sheer amazement at how beautiful she is-- I am so gratitude to get to be her mom. Being blessed with Jiana as a daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never felt more content, and have never spent so much time giggling.

These days, she is into everything. She has figured out how to open drawers now and is really into emptying the contents. My biggest challenge is keeping her away from the toothpaste. It's quite a battle. She tasted it once and now she is hooked. I keep trying to explain to her that fluoride is bad for babies teeth, but she is not buying it.

Home 3 months
It seems like we've been home a lot longer than 3 months... life has been so full and so much fun lately.

Jiana is such an amazing baby. She is totally low maintenance and so easy going. I often get asked if I'm getting any sleep, and I'm always thrilled to report that I go to bed and get up at the exact same time as I did before I had a baby. She is really no worse than having a cat. Jiana is right on par with Sunkissed and Jupiter, who both have the annoying habit of waking me up around 6am to be fed or let out. Jiana will sometimes cry out at night when having a nightmare, but she is easily soothed and falls back to sleep in my bed. And she is generally a more quieter sleeper than the orange members of our household who both purr way too loudly.

I am constantly being stopped on the street and complimented for my very darling baby. And here I was all concerned that I wasn't going to get a cute one. Jiana is a really happy and social baby. She's very good around new friends and family. She really enjoys all the attention she attracts. She is great to party with. She only gets a little cranky with me when we are alone and I try to ignore her in order to get dressed, make food, use the computer or straighten the house. In fact, the only fault I can find in her is that she really doesn't like to play by herself.

Jiana takes her first steps
Mood:  happy
My baby girl is walking... I'm told by veteran moms that the real trouble beings now. Jiana took her first steps last Saturday at a gathering in memory of my friend Lisa Klett and has been doing just great standing on her own. She seems to get a really kick out of taking her first couple of steps and then falling into me. Such tremendous joy on her face.

Now that she's a bit faster on her knees and can leverage a stand, she is really going head on with Team Orange. Yesterday, she reached over to Jupiter and yanked on his whiskers, which he really didn't seem to appreciate. The boyz generally tolerate her advances, but everyone has their limits. Although, Jupiter seems to like her crib and has taken to sleeping in it, when she's not there. Sunkissed prefers the bed on the other side of the room.

Today I finally got around to hostessing Jiana's first birthday party. We had 14 adults and 4 little ones. It was an all day open house and as can be expected I bought way too much food. We had a lot of fun.

Having been home for just over 3 months and having yet to receive an inappropriate comment from a stranger, I was beginning to think that everyone naturally thought Jiana was homegrown.

So there we were in the supermarket last week, just minding our own business singing, dancing and generally making fools of ourselves in the checkout line, and when I least expect it I am approached by a 10-something toe-haired blond. This little girl just walks up to me and says, "how come her hair is black and yours is light." I stop, calmly look at her, smile and say, "I don't know... it just worked out that way." She looks at me, thinks a second and retorts back. "You look 19!" I say, "WOW... that's great! I'm actually 41." "Do you really think I look too young to be a mom." And then, she shakes her head yes and walks back to play with her sister. The cashier and everyone else in earshot was just cracking up.

So much for dealing with the dreaded question, and how a little busy buddy made my night.

Next Tuesday, I will be leaving for LA for Jiana's conversion to Judaism. It should be interesting... I'm a bit nervous about the trip down. Decided to risk it as flying down and transporting a car seat seemed to be a huge hassel. Tomorrow will be my first official mother's day... I think Jiana plans to let me sleep in late and then treat me to lunch and a massage. Hey, a girl has got a right to dream.

Cheers to Jiana.
Genice

Jiana's almost one
Mood:  celebratory

It's been a while since I last posted as it's been a whirl wind since we got home. The first couple months were an adjustment for me, but now we are in a pretty good groove. I'm even up to showering every day now.

Jiana is absolutely amazing and gets cuter and cuter by the day. I don't even think it's possible and then the next day I wake up and she's even more adorable than the day before. Jiana is very close to walking now, and cruises around the house holding herself up on furniture and able bodies. She's also very vocal and has a diverse baby talk vocabulary. Her most decernable words are "mama", "baby', "cat??", "that" and "uh oh". "uh ho" is by far the cutest as she purses her lips on the "oh" part.

Jupiter and Sunkissed are still amazingly tolerant. Although, I think she may be getting to the end of her "honeymoon" period. Jupiter has found her crib to be especially cozy. Jiana really gets a kick out of her brothers and they are constantly bringing her to a giggle.

Little by little, we are getting out for various road trips and social activities. It's been really fun. last Saturday, I took her to the beach for the first time.

As for the practical side, Jiana is still eatting and sleeping very well. Like her mom, she loves food and is not a picky eater. She also sleeps well, both in her crib and occassionally with me.

As for me. I'm back to work. I've been doing a combination of contingency search, executive search and contract recruiting. It's been working out ok. Although, I'm sort of ready for another career change and am flirting with a few different ideas. So, what else is new. My other challenge is that I find I can manage to get to the gym with baby, or juggle taking care of baby and working. I haven't yet figured out how to combine baby, working and making it to the gym. So this is my next hurdle.

What's next... Wednesday is Jiana's first birthday and we are planning on going to the zoo for her first time. This should be a lot of fun.

Well gotta run now and catch some zzzzs.

Cheers to the cutest (and I'm not bias) baby in the world.

Love Jiana's mom

Now that we are home 6 1/2 weeks
Welcome to our blog (internet slang for web log). If you haven't ever visited one, it's in reverse chronological order. Our blog was started a few weeks prior to my traveling to Kazakhstan to meet and bring home my daughter Jiana. I posted several entries from Kazakhstan and there are also guest posts from my friends Delilah and Nanci who both spent time with me there.

Pictures of Jiana and our adventures in Kazakhstan can be viewed on the following websites:

https://genicejacobs.tripod.com/babypics/

http://www.delilahlah.us (Delilah's site)

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ntucker123/my_photos (Nanci's site)

We have now been home for around 6 1/2 weeks and we are just beginning to settle into a schedule. I've taken time off from working to bond with Jiana and we are having so much fun getting to know each other. I love being a mom. All and all, Jiana has proved to be a really easy going baby. She eats well, sleeps a good 10 hour stretch and is generally pretty cheery. she is smart, curious, outgoing, assertive and funny as can be. And I happen to think she is the most gorgeous child on earth.

The going to bed thing was bit a dicey for a couple of weeks as I tried to transition Jiana from sleeping with mom to sleeping in her own room, and just getting her to bed period. My darling daughter is a fireball of energy and like her mom doesn't want to miss any of the fun. Last week, I went over to my travel partners (the Amani's) house and saw that they had babyswings to put their babes to bed. I high tailed it to Babies R Us and bought one. It's been a great success in getting Jiana to bed at a respectable hour.

Jiana is making great strides on all developmental fronts.... but slobbering is her specialty. She is very talkative and seems to have has a lot to say. But, mostly blaa, blaa, blaa, gaa and kit ca. She is quite fond of her kitty cat brothers, and spends a good deal of her day pursuing them.

Jiana has a pretty varied diet at this point, including formula, organic baby food, as well as tofu, pasta, bananas, avocados, and cherrios. My little gastronome is also showing increasing interest in everything I seek to put in mouth. So more and more, I'm having to learn how share. Fortunately, I think I can still justify not feeding her Indian food.

She seems to have become very attached to me... in fact she never wants me to stray more than a few inches at any given time. Her favorite pastimes include dancing, mouthing all manner of things, fondling cat food, sticking her hands in my mouth and yanking on my curls (ouch).

Just this week, she seems to have officially entered the getting into everything stage. She has proven her ability to clear off the coffee table and climb halfway up the stairs (yes, I am aware that this is an extreme falling hazard and I have gates installed)... now I really have my work cut out for me.

Since arriving in the US, Jiana has gained US citizenship, obtained health insurance and a social security card and is soon to open a college savings fund. Now all she needs is a job.

Well that's about all for now. We'd love to have some more visitors. So please call us at 510-530-6687 if you want to come over.

Love Genice